This Well Defend 2nd Amendment Vintage American Flag

 This Well Defend 2nd Amendment Vintage American Flag

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This Well Defend 2nd Amendment Vintage American Flag

 Soon, she started The Bloggess, where she could write about parts of her life that didn’t explicitly have to do with parenting. She was more herself on her own platform, able to write things that were too inappropriate for most journalistic outlets. “I think my first post was just the word ‘F—,’ ” she said. (It was “F—ing Shit, We’re in Business.”)

She enjoyed blogging, but she often felt inauthentic. In 2006, early in her tenure with the Chronicle, Lawson had written a post, titled simply “Call Me Crazy,” in which she detailed her diagnoses: the post-traumatic stress disorder that had walloped her after her miscarriages, the generalized anxiety, and the mild OCD. “I do worry that people will judge me when they find out that I have an anxiety disorder,” she wrote, and after that piece, Lawson tried hard not to overdo it with heavy subject matter. She’d write lighthearted posts in advance to publish during periods when she struggled with anxiety or depression and didn’t feel she could perform. “I’d get comments and people would be like, ‘You’re so funny,’ and inside I’d be thinking, ‘I feel nothing,’ ” Lawson recalled. “The cognitive dissonance really made it worse.”

So she decided to be more transparent. In January 2008, she published a Bloggess post about panic attacks. “I was starting to think that maybe I didn’t need the drugs for my anxiety disorder but it turns out that within a few weeks of being drug-free all the panicky OCD crap has returned,” Lawson wrote. “Even the math dreams are back. Every time I close my eyes I’m slaving over impossible algebra problems. Stuff like ‘What is red + blue?’ and I know you’re thinking ‘Easy, dumbass. It’s purple’ but no, it’s 8 and you have to show your math.”

Putting light spins on heavy issues would become a through line in her work. The comments on the post were largely positive, but Lawson still felt sheepish writing about serious subjects. But the following year, Lawson published another post, titled “One Day I Will Be Normal,” in which she was similarly forthcoming about her depression. She detailed the feeling of being “in the hole” and described how sometimes when she enters a depressive episode, she loses her peripheral vision. “I live through it, knowing that any day the darkness will dissipate and I’ll crawl out of the hole, with no memory of what caused the episode,” she wrote.

 

 

This Well Defend 2nd Amendment Vintage American Flag
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